Wednesday, June 20, 2007


Local Funeral Home with large client base is looking for an individual to become part of the team. We are a family oriented operation in the best location on the East coast. You can not only have a wonderful career but can also be able to enjoy some of the finest fishing, hunting, and beaches imaginable. This is a great area to raise a family and become part of a growing community all while earning a salary commensurate with your experience. We offer a five day work week with every other weekend off, paid vacation and holidays, paid sick days, medical insurance, 401K plan, dental insurance, no night calls and room for advancement into management. We are looking for a licensed person however we are willing to train the right person if you meet the following requirements:

Honesty is a must

Sincere at all times

Clean driving record

No criminal history

Looking for advancement

Necessary education to acquire license


If you feel you meet these requirements please call us or email us with your resume and we will schedule a confidential interview.

One last thing though, don't expect to do any of the fishing or hunting we mentioned because you will never have the time. I hope your family likes the beach because don't expect to ever get sand between your toes or sun anywhere but on your face and hands. This is definitely a growing community and you'll know that because we expect you to join every club there is and promote our business. Don't overdo it telling us your experience because the salary is already set and it's not that hot. Our five day work week often stretches into seven so if I were you I wouldn't count on too much free time. Your paid vacation will probably have to be a day at a time so you needn't make any plans to leave town. The paid holidays may not fall on the actual holiday but you will get the day. Try not to get sick because the paid sick days are really intended for a hospital stay. Medical, dental and 401K are great benefits. No night calls, well that's when no one calls us at night. And if you can stand all of this and be willing to give us your first born we may consider you for management. Now, doesn't this sound like a spot for you?


Mike Demastus said...

I feel the same way at times being in the ministry! It seems like everyone always needs something from me and it never really lets up. Sometimes you just want to pull your hair out!

ICE_Molly said...

Where do I sign up??? =P LOL, that post made me laugh... enticing at first, till that last paragraph just done me in! Very witty!!

Steve said...

"And this refreshing moment of truth is brought to you by..." Sweet.

MedStudentWife said...

I was almost going to put up my hand and say "PICK ME!!!", then I got to the driving part...

And then it went totally downhill from there.

DeathSweep said...

Of course I'm going overboard but this is truthfully a very fair description of "how it is".