How come?

Today marks 11 weeks; 77 days. That time frame would usually go so slow when waiting for something planned to happen although when counting the minutes from a loss the slowness is excruciating. Even though my minds eye can picture that night as if it happened yesterday, and at times it feels as if we were still together a few hours ago, it also feels as if I have just begun a prison sentence and I've been given life. The one big difference is that rather than have cell mates I feel as though I've been placed in solitary confinement; alone, basically left to rot. Sure, I sustain my body with food and drink but aside from merely existing that's all there is. I guess I never would have been prepared for this but it seems as if a lousy trick has been played on me when I was least expecting it. We did everything else together, why did this have to be different? Why did I have to stay behind?