Saturday, September 15, 2007

Change in plans

Well, it looks as if another summer is gone. The leaves of some trees are beginning to fall, the sunflowers in the yard across the way have their heads hung as though ashamed, and with the passing of each day the sun is setting earlier and earlier. Soon the warmth will be gone, replaced by the coldness and dreariness of winter. When winter is here, I look for spring, when spring is here I look forward to summer, when the heat of summer becomes too hot to bear I look for the fall, and when fall arrives I look forward for the end of falling leaves and raking only to realize that it's winter again and I want spring back. It seems as though no matter what I have, even down to weather, it's not exactly what I want or expect. But seriously, who am I kidding? Why should I expect anything?

No matter what I've been raised to believe, no matter what I've read or heard, no matter what I wish, I have no control over what goes on around me nor do I have much control over what life does to me. I'd like to believe that I have the power to make things happen and if you've ever listened to motivational speakers, you're aware that they want you to know that you, yourself, hold the reins of your destiny. They want you to think that your life is the way it is simply because you made the choice for it to be that way. Is this really true though? As time goes on I am beginning to believe that I have the capability to make the attempt but no, I don't believe I have the power to make anything happen; good bad or indifferent.

Is this a bad thing though? Would I be better off having a map of my life that I could follow exactly and know that on January 17th in ten years I will be at a place where I want to be? It might be nice in a lot of respects but I don't think at this point I even know where it is I would like to be. And even if I did, who's to say that someone else wouldn't change something and prevent me from being there. So in this case what just happened to all my plans, all of my expectations, all of my supposed needs? Gone. Gone in the time it takes for a leaf to let itself loose from a tree branch and hit the ground. Your life could be changed, sometimes forever. So is planning for more than the present worth the possible disappointment of a totally different tomorrow?

I guess I have to continue to plan for tomorrow however these plans have to be totally amendable since they are after all just plans, no guarantee involved. And if I don't know where I want my life to be in 10 years, that's OK, because if my body allows me to live that long, whether I want to be there in 10 years or not, I'll be somewhere and I can only hope that I'll be happy with that locale at that time. And if I'm not, I'll just plan again and hope for the best, knowing full well that I'll be happy if any of those plans come to fruition at all.


MedStudentWife said...

Plans.... hmmmm....

I think we have to have them. Not as hard fast rules, but as an attempt in a direction. Something like being at sea. With no plans, you are pushed and pulled by the waves and the winds and the currents - going nowhere and everywhere.

At least with a plan, you know you are heading North. But that doesn't mean that at some point you don't go North East or even totally South, by tour own desire or some other force. At least you are going somewhere.

I love the fall. Something about the earth getting reading for it's rest. Its given us glorious bright moments, but now it is tired and needs a sleep for a few months.

I like your new header.... I almost had to put my sunglasses on - it makes a statement for sure :)

Linda and her Surroundings said...

Sometimes you can be too organised about where life takes you. It can cause all sorts of angst 25 years down the track. Doing the basics of life and leaving yourself open to all the surprises (good and bad) it has on offer is much more fulfilling. Um, mostly anyway.

Matty said...

You never know what Fate has in store for you. Plan for tomorrow but live for today.